After losing her husband and the father of her two children, Louise spent years trying to explain his sudden death in a car crash to her sons.
But two years after her husband John had died, the 42-year-old’s younger son, aged nine, revealed that he had been using AI bot ChatGPT to discuss the grief he had been feeling.
‘He was really pleased with the responses the chatbot had given him and said his friends couldn’t answer him like that at all. He thought it was the only “person” that had understood him in a long time,’ says Louise.
Nearly a third of parents in Britain have noticed their children using AI-powered tools, such as ChatGPT, for conversation or emotional companionship instead of a real-life person, new research has revealed.
The research by digital security company Norton found that parents were increasingly worried that their children were using AI for companionship and that they could not tell the difference between AI-generated content and real life.
Louise said that it was a particular challenge for her two sons aged nine and 12 because most people their age could not begin to understand the grief they were going through.
‘We’ve lost daddy, and me and the boys have a really close relationship. But because of the nature of how he died, they want to know things, but it’s really important for their grief journey that it’s age-appropriate,’ said Louise.
‘So until fairly recently I’ve been able to really control the narrative on it and give them age-appropriate responses – but ChatGPT has changed that.’
Louise, 42, and her two sons aged nine and 12 enjoy a day at the beach
She says that her younger son, who she has asked not to be named, told ChatGPT the entire story of his father dying in the road traffic accident.
He then asked: ‘Why is mummy dealing with the police?’ ‘What is a solicitor?’ ‘Why is mummy speaking to a solicitor?’ and ‘Why is the driver who hit daddy not in jail?’
Louise was more worried about her older son, who she had to confront after the younger son had told her about using AI.
The 12-year-old was more interested in asking the AI about his relationships at school.
He wanted to know if he could trust his new friends in secondary school with the information about his father.
He was worried he could be bullied or lose friends if he opened up about his trauma.
She says that she has a very close relationship with her two children and that they have discussed these topics in the past.
‘It just shows how trusting both of them were with that AI agent. And where else could the conversation have gone if my younger son hadn’t shown me?’ says Louise.
‘At that age they can’t spot that it’s a machine talking based on an algorithm – not to help them.
‘They’re searching for answers about the grief of his father and how to deal with it. But actually some of that is being human. There are no simple solutions. You have to work through your own emotions and acknowledge them as a person and that’s something an AI agent can never do for him.’
After losing her husband and the father of her two children, Louise spent years trying to explain his sudden death in a car crash to her sons
In one of his final acts as Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer announced a social media ban.
Under-16s will be blocked from accessing social media platforms entirely and the government confirmed that 16 and 17-year-olds will face curfews.
While lip service was paid towards introducing rules for under-18s using AI chatbots, no details were announced.
ChatGPT has a minimum age of 13 but OpenAI, the company that owns ChatGPT, is not required to check the ages of its users like adult websites have to.
It can sometimes ‘predict’ if a user is a teenager and force the user to prove their age – but there is nothing stopping a child from just making a new account.
That leaves the responsibility of monitoring a child’s AI use entirely on the parent.
‘I call myself a solo mum. There is nobody else. How can I do everything that mum and dad would do but also be on top of the tech side on top?’ says Louise.
‘It’s just impossible. It’s impossible to know what the kids are doing all the time when they’re online. All of their homework is online and my son’s secondary school encourages him to use AI for their work.
Two years after her husband John had died, the 42-year-old’s younger son, aged nine, revealed that he had been using AI bot ChatGPT to discuss the grief he had been feeling
‘It’s a really hard balance because it’s a great resource to learn from but it’s basically impossible to stop them from using AI for anything else too.’
Researchers for the non-profit organisation Internet Matters found 35 per cent of children using AI chatbots, such as ChatGPT or My AI (an offshoot of Snapchat), said it felt like talking to a friend, rising to 50 per cent among vulnerable children.
And 12 per cent chose to talk to bots because they had ‘no one else’ to speak to.
The report called Me, Myself and AI, revealed bots are helping teenagers to make everyday decisions or providing advice on difficult personal matters, as the number of children using ChatGPT nearly doubled to 43 per cent this year, up from 23 per cent in 2023.
Louise had spent years trying to find age-appropriate ways of discussing the sudden death of the children’s father. She had also organised a therapist for the children to discuss the immense shock and grief that the children felt.
So she said that it was all the more ‘shocking’ finding out that her children were using a chatbot to discuss these feelings.
She says: ‘I was just shocked that the youngest one in particular was using it and that he thought that it was a good way to use it.
‘I feel like in the family we have a psychologically safe space. We talk about everything. I’m really open with them, but as I said, we do it in an age-appropriate way. I’m not saying I’m always right in how I go about things, but it was still shocking.
Louise says says that her younger son, who she has asked not to be named, told ChatGPT the entire story of his father dying in the road traffic accident
‘That quest for answers is a very natural, childlike thing. I just didn’t expect that they would do it with a chatbot, about something so personal and something that deeply affects them so much.’
Louise says that AI chatbots such as ChatGPT need to build in controls that would not let a child get answers to questions that are not appropriate for them.
Leyla Bilge, Global Head of Scam Research at Norton, said: ‘AI is taking the idea of stranger danger to a whole new level. Parents have spent the last couple of years trying to keep up with the new risks AI poses to their children, all as the tech continues to evolve.
‘I know parents will be concerned, and while the government is doing its best to help through initiatives such as the social media ban, that is not a blanket solution to our worries.
‘There are practical steps parents can take to protect their kids from AI threats.
‘Firstly, acknowledging they may actually know more than you is a good way to get the conversation started.
‘Not shying away from regular check-ins about things they’ve seen online, friends made in the digital space, and confusing interactions they may have had – this will all be key to keeping an open dialogue that makes them feel safe but still like they have their freedom.’
OpenAI, the company that owns ChatGPT said that no one under 13 should use the chatbot and that it trains its models to suggest seeking real-world support if it suspects a teenager is asking it questions.
A spokesman for OpenAI said: ‘Our thoughts are with the family for their loss. ChatGPT is only intended for users aged 13 and over. It is designed to provide an age-appropriate experience, including promoting real-world support and offline relationships.
‘We use age prediction to help apply teen safeguards by default, while parental controls give families tools to further customise their teen’s settings.’
