Whether its ‘snookums’, ‘cutie patootie’ or ‘babycakes’, many couples have pet names they call each other behind closed doors.
But three nicknames could mean your relationship is doomed to fail, an expert has warned.
While some monikers convey warmth, reassurance and affection, others can act as ’emotional wallpaper’.
Dr Mark Travers, an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder, has revealed the names that should be ringing alarm bells.
BABY/BABE
‘Being called “baby” or “babe” early on in a relationship can feel comforting, but that sense of warmth can be misleading,’ he wrote on Psychology Today.
He warned pet names like this can simulate intimacy before it’s truly earned.
‘Affectionate language triggers oxytocin, the brain’s bonding hormone, which makes us feel emotionally close even in the absence of trust or consistency. You may start to feel attached to someone who’s never actually shown you their emotional world,’ he said.
Being called ‘baby’ or ‘babe’ early on in a relationship can feel comforting, but that sense of warmth can be misleading. Pictured: The moment Pamela Anderson’s character says ‘Don’t call me babe!’ in the 1996 film Barb Wire
SWEETHEART
The nickname ‘sweetheart’ could also be used as a way to dismiss your worries rather than dealing with them, he explained.
‘Instead of engaging with your concerns, a partner might respond with: “You overthink everything, sweetheart. Don’t worry that pretty head of yours,”‘ he said.
‘These responses may sound affectionate, but they can make you feel like you’re overreacting for even bringing something up.
‘Essentially, they minimize your emotions and shift the focus away from the issue at hand.’
This is a form of ’emotional infantilisation’, he added – treating you as if you’re too irrational or too fragile to be taken seriously.
Previous studies have found that this kind of infantilisation – especially in conjunction with affectionate language – was the strongest predictor of negative mental health outcomes.
He suggested asking yourself if nicknames show up most when you express discomfort or your needs – or if affection is being used to avoid real emotional work.
The nickname ‘sweetheart’ could also be used as a way to dismiss your worries rather than dealing with them, he explained (stock image)
ANGEL
Pet names can sometimes be used to deflect the real issue rather than resolve it, Dr Travers said.
‘After a conflict, instead of addressing the issue, there might be a flood of endearments,’ he said.
For example, ‘Angel, don’t be mad’.
‘These words may sound sweet, but they often act as emotional distractions, soothing the partner’s discomfort rather than engaging with real underlying problems,’ he explained.
‘This is also called emotional appeasement—using affection to avoid emotional responsibility.’
He warned that while pet names may provide temporary emotional relief, they can ‘sidestep the deeper work required to build genuine intimacy’.
However, he added: ‘Not all pet names are manipulative.
‘In fact, in emotionally healthy relationships, they often reflect genuine affection and tenderness and can even help de-escalate tension.
‘The key difference lies in intention and timing.’
